19 July 2019

help me out of here

I'm waiting for a boat to help me out of here
Waiting for a boat to help me out
The boat that reached my shore was a toy boat
Waiting for a boat to help me out

I'm dreaming of a lake I've never seen before
Dreaming of a lake I've never seen
The lake I've seen last was a picture lake
Dreaming of a lake I've never seen

You who are
You who are
Help me out, help me out
Help me out of here

I'm thinking of a castle on atop a hill
Thinking of a castle on atop a hill
The castle I've been to was full of flies
Thinking of a castle on atop a hill

You who are
You who are
Help me out, help me out
Help me out of here


a trip to the river

i took the dogs to the river one last time  hershey and i didn't go out there all that much, but the river without guinness is a very empty place — i have so ordered my routine around him, that i feel a little lost right now, like i'm in a strange land without landmarks

18 July 2019


i woke up to an excellent kitten, but no dog, so i squalled and squalled and squalled  everything i did and everywhere i looked, he wasn't there   and so very still and quiet, too  walked three plus miles before breakfast, thinking only of him, and all that did was get me all sweaty  seeing the ashes just now, like seeing a coffin lowered into the earth, sorta finishes things up, i guess, although only sorta 
i forgot to clip a lock of hair, but maybe i can still find an appropriate furball around the house to save  otherwise i got a memory or two

17 July 2019

the hour of lead

i got the dead dog over to the crematorium this morning --- driving and crying ---

After great pain, a formal feeling comes –
The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs –
The stiff Heart questions ‘was it He, that bore,’ And ‘Yesterday, or Centuries before’?

The Feet, mechanical, go round –
A Wooden way Of Ground, or Air, or Ought –
Regardless grown, A Quartz contentment, like a stone –

This is the Hour of Lead –
Remembered, if outlived,
As Freezing persons, recollect the Snow –
First – Chill – then Stupor – then the letting go –

              emily dickinson

16 July 2019


so guinness checked out of his own accord about 7:15 this evening, a full moon rising, with me and his best friends, robt and angela, with him --- a giant hole in my life has he left

 we put him in the car, and tomorrow i'll take him to the crematorium

"it's just a dog . . . "

a long night, and an unhappy guinness --- he still has not eaten and now will not drink water either --- he hasn't wanted to go out and mostly isn't wanting to even move around at all --- all i can do is stay beside him 

after a long talk with the vet this morning, we decided he has his rendezvous with destiny tomorrow morning, since i've already decided i will not put him through anything invasive --- he will go out lying on his sofa, and not another trip to the vet --- 

his aunt mary came by this morning, and this afternoon mullu, the sweet ethiopian concierge, wanted to come up and see him, which she did, along with hope, one of the other concierges --- everybody loves guinness

this time tomorrow he will be out of his misery, and my heart will be breaking

15 July 2019

oh dog

he hasn't eaten in three days and the little throw-ups turned into a big throw-up this morning --- vet and i are operating on the assumption that the damn chicken jerky he ate on friday made him sick --- we'll hope for improvement tomorrow

while waiting for the vet appt, i ran through all the dead-guinness scenarios, which i did not like

11 July 2019

keeping in touch

another fine evening at atl bot gdn --- this time with first cousin once removed mae --- she and her family are a bright spot in an otherwise generally benighted gene pool --- i also got the finest box of rocks i ever got from semi-cousin allen --- the current container (below left) does not do it justice

the orchidaceae

semi-old things

at this time thirty years ago, i had pieces of the GWTW movie set of tara strewn around my basement, which was way too small for the project --- but i made it work and the restored entrance (door, sidelights, fanlight, etc) to a temporary movie set depicting a fake plantation house went on display at the atl history center's exhibit commemorating the fiftieth anniversary of the movie  (1939) --- after that, i set it up again at betty talmadge's place at lovejoy for a private event for ted turner and, while taking it down again, hurt my upper back in a way i still feel --- in 1997 the history center took it and stuck it in the little historic storefront on crescent avenue next door to margaret's house --- a good location, actually

a couple of weeks ago, the talmadge estate auctioned the set off to an anonymous bidder for $120,000 --- the atl history center claimed they were outbid --- i hope the buyers did their due diligence and know that it is plywood and bondo and softwood moldings that won't survive outside

09 July 2019

jackhammers and flowers

kinda moist at atl bot gdn this evening, but cooled off nicely at the end --- and a great relief after a second day of jackhammers or something in the unit above me --- chiseling up tile, i think ---

it was a members night at the garden, and not all that well attended, which is always fine with me --- and always fine to do anything with ms kidd, if i could just keep up with her conversation, which can be fast and furious

08 July 2019

the oncidium alliance

big urnge has sallied forth! three good stems will keep it blooming into august!

07 July 2019

atl utd!

 tie game and i can't believe i care

04 July 2019

happy birthday, america

atl bot gdn with mary and robt was a great way to spend this fairly dispiriting fourth of july --- thursday is their usual cocktails in the garden night, and they went on with it tonight, in spite of the holiday --- very sparsely attended, which was excellent for us --- for the first time, i think, i spent a few minutes after dark by myself with the frogs peeping in the conservatory

all warm and sweaty at the end, but very nice indeed

03 July 2019

and it's only wednesday . . .

the new zygopetalum has blossomed --- nice enough, but the sepals of the one i killed were all speckled with green, which was purty great --- plus the new one here doesn't have the peppery fragrance of the killt one --- but i will love it anyway and try not to kill it

the crepe myrtle are just spectacular right now --- from the white ones that are like flurries of snow to the delicious watermelon reds

i've gotten together with cousin joyce some recently --- we were supposed to meet for lunch yesterday but she made me go wave placards around at p'tree and piedmont, trying to make people honk and what not --- and then we ate --- i've got mixed feelings about how much good that does, but thanks anyway joyce

i've gotten the new toy up and running in the house, which has concerned dex a great deal --- i really want to just take it out on the balcony and get going, but that probably wouldn't end well

i've also had some email correspondence with my benighted brother --- which is at least communication --- that little bit feels like a dam has broken, however, if he can keep it up --- he is an awesome example of white male privilege

30 June 2019

stonewall at 50

"first annual" stonewall march in the atl --- no corporate sponsors, like pride marches when they still had meaning --- 

i liked the thought and the flag, but i was very sorry about the subject-verb disagreement there